19/5/26
once again, i haven't kept up with my own blog. i haven't been home since i finished uni. i haven't been home since i finished uni really, but i'm finally about to move out of that apartment. ANYWAYS
i finished all my work.. feels so good to have that pressure off me. i'd still love to get a job eventually, but we will have to see since i only just got off of school earlier this month. if anything, i've been a little stressed about my boyfriends work. been trying to help him study leading up to his exam yesterday. i hope he's done ok...other than that just playing alot of games, maybe i will volunteer at boyfriends mom's shop. i haven't decided yet. i'm just kinda nervous to think about any form of work.
on the other note, a few cool things. i read "the sluts" by dennis cooper, it might've been one of my favorite books i've read in a while. on may 2nd i got a cool twin peaks tattoo. the artist was super nice. i realize that i've been getting more and more shy i think.. it's so embarrassing. eitherway i like it alot !!
this is it fresh!! (i will post a pic once it's fully healed hehe)
other than that, i got some cool stuff for my silent hill collection. at some point i'll post the pics on my shrine of my entire collection!! which i'm very excited to share with those who might look. i might even begin working more on those pages in general... but here are my newest items.
silent hill 4 and heather/cheryl mason statue!
sooo cool right!! i finally have ALL the core games (i also have homecoming just bc i found it) and now i can focus on general merch. literally this was the only statue in the store when i was there. i wonder what she was doing there, it's not everday we find this stuff in my bfs town. like EVER. i was so excited... i didn't really buy anything for the rest of the day other than some dvds. i ended up getting: 964 pinocchio, ebola syndrome, and the untold story. ebola syndrome and the untold story come with posters too!! im def gonna frame them and put them up in my new flat next year. i'm so nervous about moving tho.. because it just feels like such a hassle. the new landlords expect so much out of us too, in a flat that the landlords didn't repair for ages. so unfair. but it will lead to better things. i hate my current roommate.
my mental health has been ok, i'm a little worried because my dad is coming to the uk for some work. he wants to see me like all the time probably. but im sure if i tell him no he would understand. its just that i want a lot of space from him, i almost live entirely seperate lives since moving out. i love him of course, but i just get really stressed out around him too.
i'm hoping that volunteering and working will make things better for me. i did just kinda remove someone from social media. i didn't say anything. i've done this a few times, but i should really keep this person away from me. it's not good for me. it's essentially self harm. one of the hardest things about being bipolar is letting people who have hurt me stay in my life. NO MORE! i should really try to allow myself kindness. it's not like that relationship benefitted me anyways, they were only kinda mean in their interactions. never asked about how i was doing.. etc. idk it just wasn't for me. we weren't really friends at that point. but now i'm so paranoid. it's not even like we spoke all that much now, but whatever. it's better for the both of us. i don't really want to talk about the full extent of this relationship here and it's just sad and boring.
anyways i'm sorry for a lack of updates. uni was kicking my ass, but i'm going to start journalling again soon. my favorite pen ran out of ink now which sucks. oh yea! i finally got rid of AALLLL streaming. mp3s only now baby, ill go more in depth about that in the next post.