*note: I'm going to start writing blog posts over several days, so they're longer and I can actually remember what I want to include... I've been really bad about updating my blog... like waiting for something good or interesting to happen, but I'm gonna stop doing that and actually try.
Lame and Sad - 22/11/2025
Current listening: Nothing :((
I feel like a retard everyday. Not much going on, it's freezing cold and miserable everyday.. I was with Riley these last two weeks, but I had to come back because if I miss anymore class I could get deported or something. I miss being there already and I only came back Wednesday. It was a nice time with him tho, his birthday passed and he liked his gifts. Now I just have to wait for Christmas break.
I'm such a little bitch because I have this weekend and literally two weeks of class left, but I'm exhausted. I'm sad all the time, even around Riley to some extent. Seasonal depression? Idk. I did submit my group project that was due last week, so I think we are doing there. I need to do one of my reading reviews which is a pain, but it's not due until Dec 11th. I just want to be at home now..
I cried at the thought of coming back to my apartment in Manchester. I don't like my roommate. AT ALL. She's a really mean, dirty, and rude person. What gets me the most is that she will often bring men from tinder into the house, with out telling us, then fucks them super loud. I live underneath her, I shouldn't be able to hear if she's fucking someone. It's disgusting, it makes me super uncomfortable. I wish I never moved in with her sometimes. My bf said if she has one guy over, then I go to his house and commute. It will be expensive, but better than walking around curry mile in the middle of the night to avoid the sound.
I have such a hard time in this city. I am always so alone here, even though there's so many people. I'm just alone every other day of the week, the ones I'm not in uni. Part of me wishes she would just have someone over so I have a reason to just get up and leave. I feel like I can't do it anymore.
Fortnite and Studying - 23/11/2025
Current listening: HIM - Razorblade Romance
Uni has been good otherwise, mostly. I've started on my reading review and I've been seeing my friends again at uni. I have a few things due in January that I wanna start thinking about. I am considering writing about CAT3 films for my world cinema class, maybe I'll write about Chinatown and a way better film for my genres class. It's just the days inbetween uni that are long and torturous.
I haven't done much today other than study, get started on my reading review and play some fortnite with my bf and friend Cody. I'm ready for this stupid season to be over... I'm probably going to go and play some Killer 7 in a bit..then play some Nightreign with Riley for a bit. We are preparing for the DLC to come out! I wanna get back into it. This week I have to call the landlord - until they sort out our washing machine. I think tomorrow I'll go to the Asian supermarket and get some more golden curry and I need some dashi. I might even consider some imitation crab...not sure, it's just something to do. The only problem is that the weather has been disgusting and cold.
I can't wait to go home back to Spain, I miss my dad a lot. He was in Japan and that looked super cool, I wish I had the chance to travel outside Spain and the UK. I should be grateful for what I do have the chance to do.. Riley's coming home with me for Christmas as well. That's really exciting! It's usually just me and my dad for Christmas, so having my bestfriend/boyfriend would be good to make the family feel even just a tiny bit bigger. His Christmas gifts are on the way,,, but I can't say what they are.. incase he reads this..
There's also a good chance that I'll hang out with my friend Tilly as well!! I hope so. I think even though I'm really depressed I'm going to try and make an effort to do more stuff even in my room. Either that be playing games or calling Riley or drawing or listening to music or paying really good attention to a movie. Anything else. I want to try and make this better than it is. Bye bye for today.
Retarded Roomate!!! - 24/11/2025
Currently listening: Eyehategod - Dopesick
So I wake up right, it's 11 am. I didn't sleep till maybe almost 6, but I also woke up several times in between. I go to dial my landlord. Text from my shitass roommate:
"I've called, because it seems everyone forgot..." etc.
I tell her I was literally about to call them as I just woke up, I didn't sleep well so it's annoying to purposely try and call when I haven't gotten sleep. She gets all pissed that I told her that if she wanted me to call them after they open (essentially) then to lmk, not to get mad that I do it on my own time. I said last week it'd be "early", but on my days off I don't wake up before 9 - simple as. She spends all her time pissed off on the phone and calling other people. She can't even clean up after herself, but she can send nasty and rude messages because things aren't done her way. I'm not setting extra alarms that aren't to wake me up just to do her bidding. Yeah our situation sucks, but don't get mad at people for not doing something if you don't give them the chance!!!
Idk why, but the situation had me burst out into tears. I am made to feel like an idiot, she's so up her own ass. Like all I can say is I'm sorry I was sleeping. It's just so rude. After I got done with being upset I decided to go to the Asian grocery store for some cooking stuff, walked there and back to just relax myself. I'm thinking about the jobs I applied for - they're two web admin jobs for my uni. They're for various different websites and student services for my uni.. I thought it would be a good fit because it's just wordpress and I have some coding experience and I can maintain a site well enough. I'm not sure I'll get one of them, but maybe the more entry wordpress training provided one I have a good chance at. Uni jobs are so weird tho, because they either just want your CV and a cover letter or they want these at max 500 word answers to their questions. I hope I get the more entry level one, it's mainly remote and I would prefer that.
I did nothing today really. I got my reading review sorta done. It's hit the word count - but for sure needs some revision. I'll probably do that tomorrow. After that I made dinner, debriefed with my cool roommate, and just watched movies. I rewatched Secretary and Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Very James Spader night. anyways...I'm tired. I hope I die in my sleep.
Didn't die in my sleep - 25/11/25
Currently Listening: Nothing
I unfortunately woke up today. I couldn't stop crying last night. I'm super scared to lose my medication.. I don't want to stop my transition at all. I've got my last refill and appointment back home set up.. I've contacted a GP to ask if they are willing to take me on and help me. I also read over my reading review and submitted it. Just to get it over with honestly. I'm hoping they will help me, even just a little. I'm so anxious, I don't want to lose everything. Hormones are my last lifeline.. I don't know what I'd do with out it. I did get a response, I can't come in for any of the dates for a fucking bloodtest but they requested me to be on the waitlist at least..
The rest of the day I played fortnite and called my friends... it helps to do that when I'm here in my flat. I'm trying to maybe see if Riley can come over next week because he's off.
The doctors contacted me again saying to come in next week for my bloodtest. I hate doing these things. I hate hate HATE bloodtests.
Waitlisted - 26/11/25
currently watching youtube
I got another message from the GP saying they require at minimum - two appointments, extensive blood tests to get everything done for them to get me a prescription. Insanity. They will contact me when my appointments are available, I have no clue how long the wait is..some people say around 18 months. When I go home I'll likely have 14 months of supply - maybe.. but I will make my hrt work to fit that time frame. Hopefully when someone sees me I can explain the situation and things will go better.
I'm going to probably study or maybe play something today... hopefully I play with my friends a little and have a good night. Megan wants to check out the local japanese place, which is really good. I'm down.